Bitches in elementary?!

One night, I was scrolling through my FB. And then a friend invitation popped up. Who the hell…!?! (Not like, “Who the hell wants to be my friend?!” But more like, “Who the hell is this bitch?!”) And then I remembered…I went to high school with this girl. We weren’t friends. We just knew each other. But, I knew her from elementary, too. Kinda. We were only in the same class for a few months until I moved and I had to go to a different school in a different district. Thank goodness. Because, she was such a little bitch. But then her ass went to the same high school. What?!

But, wait, there are little bitches in elementary? Hell yeah there are! I was bullied for a little bit in elementary. Yeah. But not physically. Her game was all mental. She was devious.

So, here’s a (hypothetical) scenario of how you would act if you were a little bitch in elementary: new girl in a new state, new school, new class, new everything! You don’t know her. Maybe she’s cool. (Cauze, duh! Look at her cute, new, all-white, high-tops!) Maybe you could be best friends! Oh, but you already have a best friend. Maybe you should make the new girl pick a best friend? Sounds like a great idea! Oh, but she can’t have any of your friends. Cauze, they’re yours! It’s not like your friends can make their own decisions and form opinions for themselves. It’s not like you can have more than one best friend. She has to PICK ONE OR ELSE! (These are your hypothetical words, not mine!)

And then, for fun, tell her that she’s your friend. Let her sit with you at lunch. Let her be in your recess circle. Let her turn the jump rope for you when you play double dutch and strategically plan it so that when it’s her turn, the bell rings and recess is over. And then tell her she’ll get fat if she drinks chocolate milk while you drink chocolate milk behind her back (cauze you think she doesn’t see you…) and laugh about it to your best friend. (Your best friend who, btw, mutters under her breath how controlling you are.) And then, force her to admit to having a crush on the cute boy in class. And then tell the cute boy in class that she likes him and blame it on the cute boy’s friend. (Cauze he must have overheard you talking to her about him.) Don’t forget to talk about her posture. Act like you went to some high class finishing school and make her walk in a straight line while balancing books on her head. It’ll be fun! Cauze she’s totes hunchbacked. You’re only looking out for her best interest.

Borrow her books, too. And make sure you act like she’s lucky you even borrowed them from her to begin with. Make a fuss about returning said books. And then, finally, when she tells you that she’s moving and therefore cannot lend you her brand new book that she just got and have not even read yet, threaten her with bodily harm and accuse her of lying because she just doesn’t want to lend you her brand spanking new book. Cauze, duh! That’s how little bitches roll.

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